6 Mistakes you can make in dating

Hana Kobayashi
5 min readSep 13, 2022

Last time I wrote an article called Lessons I learned from 7 dating apps.
The article summarises my experiences and tips on standing out and how to put the profile authentically on the app. There are actually no perfect rules to having an amazing date. But there is definitely something that you can prepare for so you can make the most of your dates.
Here are what Not to do in dating.

Photo by Wout Vanacker on Unsplash
  1. Not understanding what you want in the relationship
    This is definitely the biggest one.
    You should know your own value and what your future partner should value. I was caught up in getting married and having a family when it was not even important to me.
    It confused me about what I wanted in a future partner. Halfway through my dating journey, I realised that having a family was something that expected from society. I actually did not want it. If this is important to you, make sure you write it down on your dating profile, too.
    So before going on your first date or even signing up for the dating app, just list what you want to achieve with your partner. What does your future look like with your future partner?
  2. Looking for sparks
    ‘Sparks’ is overrated. I must admit I said no to the second date because I was looking for a ‘Spark’.
    Spark is another form of infatuation or lust. It may ignite the relationship but the relationship will not last if both do not make an effort to make the relationship work. ‘Sparks’ alone is not going to help with the relationship. If you are not looking for a spark then what are we looking for? You should ask yourself
    ‘Do we share similar values?’,
    ‘Do I enjoy spending time with him?’,
    ‘Do I want to know about him?’
    ‘Am I physically attracted to this person?’
  3. Too Busy ticking boxes
    We all have deal breakers and ‘relationship Wish List’. There is nothing wrong with having them. But don’t forget to get to know the person in front of you.
    I went on a date with a man asking me millions of questions over lunch.
    He was super nice and charming. But he was clearly ticking boxes.
    “Do you have brothers and sisters?”
    “Do you like your job?”

    “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” — Please don’t ask this question on your first date. I felt like I was going through a job interview. I was too busy answering his questions and I had little time to ask him…
Hana Kobayashi

Migrated to Australia. Passionate about financial independence, psychology, career and relationship.